healthy boundaries for MCAS
Healthy boundaries for MCAS means setting and maintaining the conditions for you to thrive. Healthy boundaries are the core of a loving relationship with yourself and others. And having healthy boundaries is especially important when you have a chronic illness like Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS). In this post you will learn to set physical and energetic boundaries, using simple tools.
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If your boundaries are impinged upon, crossed, or violated you will experience a drain of energy. Examples of when your boundaries may be compromised are:
If you go through the world with your boundaries compromised you run the risk of having your energy drained or fragmented, which sets you up for physical illness or injury. Here are some techniques for maintaining healthy boundaries:
Those who work in caring professions often suffer physical ailments as a result of sharing their vital energy with others and constantly being “on”. This is similar to the state of vagus nerve overreaction (see my post on Vagus Nerve Health). Pay attention to the message that your body is sending you. If you have aches or pains, see a chiropractor, get a massage, try to get adequate sleep, get some form of exercise, eat nourishing foods, and drink plenty of water. (See my post on dealing with pain). This isn’t martyr time. You can’t even begin to heal your MCAS if your energy is compromised or if you are ignoring your self-care. (See my post on Radical Self-Care.)
This may seem silly to mention, but attending to your primary needs for food, water, shelter, and sleep is essential to healing a chronic illness. It’s not always possible to get a perfect night’s sleep or eat well. But you need to listen to your core survival needs to be able to be in a place of energetic health and safety. If you are hungry, eat. If you need to lie down, do it while you can. If you need to go to the bathroom, do it.
If you are a parent, work with, or are the caregiver of someone who is needy, someone who has frequent meltdowns, is unpredictable, or regularly pushes you past your coping limits, on top of having your own chronic illness, practice helping yourself first when practical/possible before attending to their needs. (see my post on Caregiving).
Humans are social beings who need others to survive. If you are experiencing a difficult time in your life, it can be tempting to withdraw inward and cut off ties. But you can’t do it all, and likely there are people who would like to help you but don’t know how or what to offer.
Ask for help, even if it feels hard. If someone offers, accept help gracefully. You might need to tweak their offer to make it something you can really use. Don’t be afraid to make a counteroffer. And if you are feeling resentful because people who could be helping you aren’t, make a specific request. Spell it out in terms they understand and hold your ground.
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Long, slow breathing tells your body that you are safe and triggers the parasympathetic nervous system. This aids in proper digestion keeps you relaxed and lowers cortisol levels. Make a practice of taking long slow breaths before eating, before bed, before rising in the morning, or while sitting at stoplights in your car. In addition to the physiological benefits, you provide your brain and cells with more oxygen, the better for creative problem-solving. (See my post on Breath Practices for Calming MCAS).
This energetic technique is helpful for dealing with a difficult person in your life. Imagine a long-stemmed rose between your body and someone from whom you would like to assert a boundary or protection. You can do this while you are physically present with this person, or you can imagine the rose is between you in your mind’s eye.
Focus on the rose; what color are the petals? Are the petals open or is the bud closed tightly? Imagine that the imaginary rose is providing an energetic boundary that the person cannot breach. Any negativity that the person puts out is caught by the rose and delivered to the earth through its long stem. No matter which direction you move the rose will always be between you and that person. For an intense situation, you can imagine multiple roses forming a “hedge” between you and that person.
If you are asked to do something that goes against your principles, compromises your available energy, or feels “wrong,” say NO. It can be hard for people who are care-GIVERS to say NO. Your job is to effectively steward the available energy you have – some for others, some for you and your health – so that you can live sustainably. Without this balance, you will crash and burn out.
Sometimes it’s not possible to avoid negative events, people, or energies. Things happen beyond your control, so it is good to be prepared.
Practice meditating in your mind’s eye on being in a place that is safe, supportive, and loving. Feel how safe you are in this place. Feel how you can be yourself. See the surroundings in your special internal space (forest, beach, etc.) and experience it with all your senses. Go to this place daily in meditation if possible.
Then practice going to this place when you are at the dentist, waiting in line, or during moderately unpleasant situations. This will prepare you, as much as possible, for when you find yourself in really negative situations. If you build this skill, of imagining your happy place in your mind’s eye, it will be available to you no matter what.
This does not make the negative situation okay or negate that you are being compromised. But it gives you a tool for getting through the event intact, so that you can process it later with a therapist or trusted advisor, using EFT, EMDR, or other therapeutic tools.
If you feel vulnerable, overwhelmed, or you are in a situation where a lot of sensory stimuli are coming at you at once, imagine pushing your sensing capacities outward to the edge of your energetic aura.
Imagine that you are listening, seeing, hearing, and sensing the world around you at a distance from your physical body as if your sense organs were attached to the outside of your aura. Say to yourself that you are pushing your sensing capacities outward, and the sensory stimulation you are experiencing is being taken up and processed at a distance from your body. In this way, you can define what enters your energetic field and choose to let in what you feel comfortable processing internally.
I’d love to hear what you think of these techniques, and if you have other tactics for maintaining healthy boundaries. So, please leave a comment below!
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